Mister cab driver from hell

Mister cab driver from hell



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lthough a lot of taxi drivers are excellent, my despise for the rest of them is so huge that, in my humble opinion, they should get their driver’s licenses burned and their taxi treated by an exorcist and then nuked from orbit, just to be sure. In fact, I think that quite a few cab drivers must have been taught to make their way through the streets using some manual written in Hell. After careful observation of their behaviour, this is how I imagine some of the rules in that manual:

Under no circumstances use turn lights. Doing so ruins the surprise factor and reduces your options, which you should keep open until the last instant possible. If by accident you use turn lights, compensate by passing under a red traffi c light. After all, you have a reputation to keep.

If you need to turn to the left, do not approach the crossing through the left lane. Keep in the right lane until the last moment possible and then go to the left. Extra bonuses if you cross more than two lanes in your maneuver. Remember that you must not use turn lights to reveal your intentions.

Memorise every traffic light with a  camera that you might fi nd in your way. If you learn that new cameras have been installed, warn other cab drivers so all of them can avoid them. This is important because if you discover the camera only when you are already at the crossing you will be forced to stop at the red light! Can you imagine?

Always keep your left arm out of the window. Occasionally, make random movements with your hand or forearm. Since you are not using your turn lights, other drivers will try to fi gure out whether you are making a signal or just gesturing while you chat with your passenger. This is important because driving through traffic jams is essentially boring, and you should do this social service to make the experience more interesting for other drivers. They will thank you in their hearts.

When you see a space between two cars in any other lane, switch lanes to fill it at once. Drivers tend to feel anxious at any void in a bumper-tobumper traffic jam so they will be happy when you prevent it.

When a passenger signals you to stop from the sidewalk and you are not in the right lane, cross as many lanes as it takes, immediately. Extra bonus if you manage to make it so in less than four yards. Don’t worry about the drivers that might be using the lanes to your right: since they were paying attention to the random movements of your left arm they will not be caught by
surprise when you quickly take it in to maneuver.