Fuck you, fuck you very, very much. Thank you
African-American writer Maya Angelou wrote that “if one is lucky, a solitary fantasy can totally transform a million realities”. She was talking about a guy who happened to be what we nowadays call a “friend with benefits.” My guess is that Angelou was probably making an emphasis on the way she felt about the person who was giving her a temporary comfort and escape from reality, but she forgot to mention the part where being friends with benefits with someone can have a not so good ending.
From my perspective and of course, my experience, this kind of friendship is a modern attempt to de-humanize ourselves and de-attach our true feelings from the idea of love and commitment. Our era and our twenty first century trends are probably forcing us to become more individualistic: the ups and downs of love are not an option since they might interfere with our future plans; especially if like me, you hit 30 and are about to become another divorcee to feed the statistics of failed marriages.
I have met a lot of people (me included) who have tried hard not to fall in love; instead, all they want is just to have fun with no strings attached, no exclusive rights, no further plans, and no feelings beyond passion. We like to have a friend with whom we can have the mere pleasure of a good company and a good lay too.
However, I have a rather harsher point of view, and it is that having a friend with benefits can turn against oneself. No matter how tough we think we are and how heartless we believe we can be: I haven’t met the first person who is capable of interaction with other human beings without developing any sort of affection and emotional attachment (if you have, please let me know so he/she can teach me).
It is true that some people are better at holding emotions but it is also true that when you spend quality time with a person who makes you feel great about yourself both in and out of bed, then that force of nature known as love can come. There is where trouble begins because in the end, one of the parts would always get more involved than the other.
Late Amy Winehouse titled one of her songs “Love is a Losing Game”. Maybe it is, but even a so self-proclaimed “ice queen” like me can miss the touch of a warm embrace and the smile of a friend who “transformed a million realities” but who after all and thanks to the “screw buddies” tag, rightfully can stand up and say “good-bye” walking away and leaving you with a bunch of memories, desires, and a partially broken heart.
So yeah, dear “friends with benefits” thing: f*ck you, f*ck you very, very much. Thank you.