Welcome to the “Silly-cone” Valley

Welcome to the “Silly-cone” Valley

Fotografía: Mauricio Paz - EL CLAVO

Good morning dear. My name’s Andrea and I’m delighted to meet you. Welcome to the Beauty and Aesthetics Center! I’m so excited we are going to work together at reception and believe me, I know for sure that the fact that you are the cousin of the owner has nothing to do with your getting this job.

Follow me-I‘ll show you around. But first I want to introduce you to Dr. Andrei. Don’t worry if he doesn’t say “hi”. He’s a bit rude but we were told to treat him like a king because he does most of the surgeries here. Good money, you know? So if he asks you to jump, you say “How high?” all right? Oh! And his patients, well, you will recognize them because some of them come here wearing sweat pants, caps, t-shirts and tennis shoes that say “bebe” in sparkly letters. They come accompanied, occasionally, with the kind of guys who drive big SUVs and  like to listen to “El Charrito Negro”.

This is the second floor. I shouldn’t tell you this but…see that woman with the sad face over there? Ok, so her husband used to bring her lunch every day and he happened to meet one of Dr. Arrieta’s patients and bang! A couple of weeks later he left her. Sad, isn’t it?

Here are the doctor’s offices. And that girl over there, she’s their assistant. She’s been operated on like a million times and every time I see her during our lunch break, she’s always eating “chicharron” or “chorizo” with “arepita”. No wonder every time she gets a lipo she gains weight three months later. Poor thing. Honey, is everything all right? You look pale. Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it real soon. Here, have a candy.

So back on the first floor is the reception desk. Here’s the phone and there’s the phone book. All the extensions you need are listed on this page. Here’s your seat.  Please remember that patients are occasionally going to ask you questions. Some of them will be like: “Mami, where’s the bathroom?” “What kind of shithole is this that I can’t get a glass of water, ola?” “Reinita, mirá, if your cousin is the owner of this place, why are you waiting to get a nose job or a liposuction? You are a bit repuestica” “Gordita, how about a boob job?” Just chill. We know that in our country, being pretty is not important, right? Oh! Here! The phone’s ringing. Answer it in your sweetest tone of voice and say: “Good morning, Beauty and Aesthetics Centre. This is AM. How can I help you?”